TIME: Almanac 1993/TIME Almanac 1993.iso/time/101590/1015140.000

Text File | 1992-08-28 | 5.9 KB | 123 lines

                                                                                LIVING, Page 94

What Price Love? Read Carefully


Before tying the knot, couples are signing on the dotted line

By JILL SMOLOWE -- Reported by Barbara Dolan/Chicago and Andrea
Sachs/New York


    When Keith, 31, first raised the issue of a prenuptial
agreement with his fiancee Sarah, 32, she balked. For a month
the Manhattan stockbroker danced around the subject, then he
pressed hard. "I said if we don't sign a prenuptial, we can't
get married," he recalls. Finally Sarah, an advertising
executive, consented, and each hired a lawyer. Keith's attorney
drafted the first version, largely to protect money the groom
expects to inherit from his family, and Sarah "flipped out,"
says Keith. "She was almost in tears." It took months before
the couple hammered out an agreement that allowed them to keep
their appointment at the altar.

    Before they say "I do," more and more American couples are
following the same pattern: negotiating premarital contracts
that spell out what they will and won't do, or share, or pay.
Publicized and popularized by the rich and famous -- most
loudly of late by the feuding Donald and Ivana Trump --
prenuptial agreements are increasingly in vogue among the
middle and upwardly mobile classes. Such contracts are
recognized in all 50 states, and matrimonial lawyers report that
they are preparing two to five times as many as they did just
five years ago, particularly among couples who make $50,000 and
up. Many of the agreements not only spell out a division of
financial assets if a marriage fails or a spouse dies, but also
enumerate "life-style clauses," sometimes bizarre in their
obsessive fine-tuning, that provide a blueprint for a marriage
before it has begun.

    Many people say prenuptial agreements are unromantic. Others
argue they are a handy vehicle for improving communication. The
chief reasons for their growing popularity, however, are
sociological. Men and women over age 30 account for 41% and
32%, respectively, of all new marriages. People coming later
to marriage usually have more substantial assets in tow.
Moreover, in 45% of all new marriages, one or both partners
have been married before. Thus many people have property they
want to protect for their children by prior marriages. Says
Gail Koff, a founding partner of the law firm Jacoby & Meyers:
"These couples understand that marriage is a business
proposition."

    But business alone does not a marriage agreement make. The
lingering sour taste of a failed previous marriage prompts many
couples to try to anticipate all the obstacles ahead on the
next try. Couples in interfaith marriages often predetermine
the religious upbringing of their prospective children.
Two-income couples spell out the conditions under which they
will relocate for a spouse's career. For every sublime
consideration, there is a matching ridiculousness. One New York
City couple were so determined to divide expenses equally that
their contract stipulated that they would split the $3 toll
when crossing the George Washington Bridge. Another couple
itemized the ownership of 207 items, down to a $1.98 vase given
to the prospective bride by her grandmother.

    No matter seems too small -- Who takes out the garbage? Who
does the dishes? -- or too weird. Matrimonial lawyer Steven
Zerin steers clients away from such idiosyncratic life-style
clauses, arguing, "A marriage is off to a poor start if you're
unable to determine personal issues without a written
contract." Los Angeles divorce lawyer Marvin Mitchelson, who
has received requests from clients for clauses sanctioning
infidelity, refuses to draw them up, noting that such
understandings will not stand up in court.

    By contrast, the financial terms of prenuptial agreements
generally hold up well in legal battles. But that does not stop
angry ex-spouses from trying to challenge them. "The agreement
may limit the issues, but it won't prevent litigation," warns
Alvin Ashley, a Manhattan lawyer whose firm is handling six
cases involving contested agreements. Thus while an agreement
-- which can range in price from $500 to $50,000 -- may seem
a relative bargain at the time of signing, the subsequent
challenge may prove every bit as expensive as any other messy
divorce.

    On the other hand, some matrimonial lawyers endorse the
deals as a declaration of honorable intent. "They're really
legal valentines," says lawyer Jacalyn Barnett of Shea & Gould
in Manhattan. "They get you to talk about the things that make
a marriage work." Boosters cite communication, money, sex and
in-laws as the most common issues behind divorce; prenuptial
agreements compel couples to confront the first two of those
openly. True, the very process may unhinge a couple's wedding
plans. But Barnett, who has seen three couples break up during
contract negotiations, argues, "I don't think I prevented a
marriage. I think I prevented a divorce."

    If a couple decides to proceed with an agreement, lawyers
advise that each partner should be represented by separate
counsel and that several months' time should be allowed for
negotiation. Most lawyers require full financial-disclosure
statements on both sides. As further protection, some attorneys
recommend that the signing of the agreement be videotaped;
others suggest that a court reporter attend the signing to take
down all questions and answers.

    Is there still hope for love amid the legalese? Certainly.
Cynthia and Chester Janssens of Grosse Pointe, Mich., both
previously married and with two children apiece, signed a
typical agreement that kept their prenuptial assets separate
and provided that everything else would be split evenly at
divorce. Eight years later, the couple are still married, and
they are planning to nullify part -- or all -- of their
agreement.